


Aching to Breathe

by Gemmie_Bear



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Female Stiles Stilinski, Implied Sexual Content, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 22:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16104665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemmie_Bear/pseuds/Gemmie_Bear
Summary: Derek happens to meet Stiles in an unexpected place, at a time when Stiles has given up on everyone that loved her.





	Aching to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> So, I heard the song "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk for the first time in years, and this just popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I finished writing.
> 
> I suggest you listen to the song, read the lyrics.  
> It's a beautiful song.
> 
> ALSO... I did research on leukemia and medical equipment, but there are no guarantees any of this is right, obviously! Please forgive my artistic creativity!

Walking in, he looked habitually to the left where Sofia had been. It had been months, but watching his grandmother lose her best and closest friend had been hard for him. He stopped short today though, not expecting the suddenly occupied bed. Or the woman who was sprawled on it.

“Derek, sweetheart, I missed you this week.”

He looked over to the right and smiled at his grandmother, going over to sit on her bed.

“Hey Gran, how are you feeling?”

“Always fine, my dear. You know me.” He looked over his shoulder at the sleeping woman and felt his gran squeeze his hand. He looked back, from her hand to her eyes with his brow raised. “Lower that brow, young man.” He flushed a little and smiled guiltily. He watched his gran look over his shoulder, to the woman, before looking back at him, “she is a lovely girl. Such a pity.”

“What’s,” he cleared his throat, “what’s wrong?”

It was her turn to raise a traditional Hale eyebrow, and he rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact.  She waited for several moments before she spoke, settling back into her pillows and holding his hand on her lap, “poor girl has leukemia.”

He looked back, frowning. He knew what it meant if someone moved into a hospice. Her side of the room was dark, with very few personal items scattered around. He looked back towards his gran, and her side of the room, taking in the numerous family photos, her beloved pink rose doilies, vases of baby’s breath flowers. It was exactly liked her home had been, and her room in the Hale house before she decided she wanted to move to a hospice. He remembered the day she had slowly packed her bag, with his mother, her daughter, crying on the bed. His gran had been sure to sit her down and tell her that it was time for them all to have a break, and the hospice was only 10 minutes away. His reverie was broken when a small nurse entered, going over to her bed.

“Good morning Stiles, come on now sweetheart.” She grasped the woman, Stiles, by the shoulder and gently shook her until Derek saw her eyes flit open before they shut tightly.

“Ugh, no, I need more sleep.”

He smiled at her groggy voice, but the nurse shook her head. “No sweetheart, you said you wanted 10 minutes before your shower to do your eyebrows. Now is that time.”

Stiles groaned, and flopped to her back, rubbing her eyes. “It’s not fair to use my words against me, Maria.” She slowly sat up, with the nurse helping with a hand behind her back.

“I’m sure it’s a hardship for you, having someone listen. Now let’s take the IV out, and you have half an hour to do whatever you need.”

He watched Stiles nod, grimacing as the nurse disconnected the IV. “What’s this bruise from, Stiles?”

He saw her look to the crook of her elbow before she let out a small laugh, “that new nurse didn’t believe me when I said I needed my cannula in the back of my hand.” The nurse sighed, and rubbed it before she stood straight. The woman finally moved her feet to the floor, sitting still for a moment, eyes shut, eventually standing on shaky feet.

“I’m ok, I’m ok.” She whispered to the nurse, patting her arm before she began slowly staggering to the shared bathroom. Derek watched the way she moved her hips as if she was made of concrete, with her joints not moving smoothly. She didn’t look up as she entered the bathroom, and Maria sat outside the open door.

“I’m not even sure why you pluck your eyebrows, Stiles.”

He heard her laugh, and it sounded a little livelier “well I’d like to leave a good-looking corpse when I die,” she hesitated, “someone’s gonna have to tell me if I manage that.”

Maria laughed, “how do you figure you will leave an unattractive body?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll die mid-sneeze. Or mid orgasm.”

Derek blushed, but Maria and his gran burst into laughter.

“Don’t you laugh Myrtle, maybe things will get really exciting around here, you don’t know!”

Derek looked at his gran, eyebrows raised. “Myrtle?”

She shushed him and slapped his arm, and he smiled, squeezing her hand.

“How do you figure Stiles?” His gran spoke, a glint of her naughty side sparking in her eyes.

Stiles scoffed, “hey, I’ve seen how George looks at you in that pink nightdress of yours,” everyone laughed, including Stiles, “maybe someone will look at my deathly pallor and just fall in love.” She suddenly sneezed, and Maria snorted.

“Did you die?”

“No, thank god, because that was an ugly sneeze.”

“Maria, come here love,” his gran called, making Maria smile.

“You know I have to keep an ear out for Stiles.”

She pushed Derek’s shoulder weakly, “Derek will sit there, you come here. I haven’t seen you since Sophia passed,” Maria’s face fell a little, “please come talk to me.” She nodded, standing and walking over. Derek got to his feet, his cheeks heating a little as both his gran and Maria looked at him expectantly.

“Don’t worry Derek, just listen at the door. She will get into the shower soon,” her words were accompanied by the sudden sound of the shower turning on and she smiled, “just listen to check she doesn’t need help. I’ll go in, you just let me know.”

He nodded and awkwardly went to sit on the chair by the door. He blocked out the sounds of his gran and Maria catching up and focused on the sound of the woman in the shower, quietly singing to herself. He smiled, and leaned his head back against the wall, listening intently to Stiles. Every now and then she quietly said ‘ok,’ and he frowned, looking towards the doorway, but she said nothing after and he relaxed again. He smelled her shampoo and conditioner, her soap, and found it pleasant. He had always hated showering after his sisters, but they never used whatever Stiles was using. He perked up when the shower stopped, and Maria looked up at the open door.

“I’m ok, stop stressing,” she mumbled, and Maria shook her head, looking back at Myrtle.

He looked up when she walked out of the bathroom, straight past him, seemingly without seeing him. She went to her bed, walking with somewhat more grace now, and sat on the bed. Maria stood, grabbing her cart and moving it closer to Stiles.

“How are you feeling?”

“Headache. Tired.”

She held up her hand, showing Maria how her hand trembled, and Maria grabbed it, rubbing the top of it. She grabbed the new IV, connecting it to her cannula, as Stiles looked down and smiled.

“Do I get my morning drip now?”

Maria laughed, “no, it’s half past 3, you slept most of the day, you can’t have the morning drip now.”

“Wow, you are a lovely person. I’m _dying.”_

Maria looked up at her, and Derek could see from this angle how unimpressed she looked, “that stopped working ages ago, I’d stop trying if I were you.”

Stiles sighed dramatically, throwing herself back onto her bed, “I’m dying, and it’s sad and I’m _dying,_ Maria. Like dead dying.”

“I will make you die quicker if you don’t shut up,” Maria laughed at Stiles’ shocked expression before she cackled too, grabbing Maria’s hand.

“I don’t know why everyone hates hospices, this place is the bomb, right Myrtle?”

“Absolutely,” Derek knew that tone and looked at his gran who shook her head, a small but sad smile on her face.

 

 

The next weekend, Derek walked into the room slower, keeping his eyes trained on his sneakers. He managed to keep his eyes down until he heard her laugh, which ended on a high-pitched wheeze. Frowning, he looked towards her bed where she was propped up, two IV bags above her, her heart monitor beeping regularly. She looked up at him, and smiled meekly, before clearing her throat, looking at the bedsheet she was gripping between her fingers.

He looked over to his gran, smiling when he saw she was watching him with an all-knowing expression. “Hi Gran, how are you?”

She patted the bed, and he sat next to her. “I’m tired today, how are you, my dear?”

He nodded, “I’m ok, don’t worry about me.”

She shot him a Hale-licenced eye roll, “I will worry about you all even when I am dead and cold.”

He snuck a quick look behind him towards Stiles, who’s head quickly shot up, looking at the ceiling. He stifled a chuckle, before he got up, slowly walking towards her bed. “I’m Derek, it’s good to meet you.”

She looked at him with wide eyes, and nodded slowly, her tongue darting out to wet her lip, “Stiles. I think you were here last week?”

He nodded, “yeah, you were a little preoccupied with trying to not die with an ugly facial expression?”

He saw her blush for a second before she hid her head in her hands, groaning, “ah gees I talked about dying mid orgasm.”

He laughed, missing how she looked up to watch him, “yeah, I think you might have mentioned that.”

“Well, that’s fantastic.”

He shrugged, “I’ve heard worse from that one,” he motioned with his head across the room, “she likes to get the family embarrassed.” He looked back after a moment, expecting her to have said something when he saw she was asleep. “Oh, well she’s apparently sleeping.” He swallowed, brow lowering.

“I, uh, I was gonna go try to eat something, if you want to come with?”

He looked at her, his eyebrows casting a shadow over his eyes from the unpleasant overhead florescent lighting. “Um, yeah, thanks.”

She nodded before she slowly moved to sit up, wincing as she did. He moved forward, holding out his hand for her awkwardly. She looked from it to his face, before she smiled, taking it. He gingerly grasped her hand, frowning at how easily he felt the bones, and she moved to place her feet on the floor, getting to her feet too quickly and her legs crumbled. His arms shot out to grab her around the waist and she groaned, winding her fingers in his shirt, her face pressed into his chest.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” she started, trying to push away from him, but he held her up until she could stand.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I wasn’t about to let you fall.”

She looked up at him from in his arms and noticed how green his eyes were. She lowered her eyes, looking from his strong cheekbones to his beard. She had never been a beard-loving woman, but this one? She almost reached up to run her fingers across it before she clenched her fists and stood up a little more, letting him release her. “Thanks, Derek, I’m still sorry. I never,” she ran a hand down her face, “I’m still kind of used to not needing people.”

He nodded and took a step back. She opened her mouth to explain when Maria walked in, smiling when she saw Stiles standing. “Wow, before 11 am and Stiles is up?”

Stiles stuck her tongue out at her nurse who just laughed, “are you going to eat?”

“Gonna try,” she spoke quietly, shooting a look at Derek.

“Ok, well I’ll be around, let’s just take you off the heart monitor.” She bustled around, with Derek turning quickly when Maria reached into Stiles’ gown to remove heart pads from her chest. Derek watched as Maria left, and then at Stiles who had grabbed her IV stand and started shuffling forward.

“Can I ask a question?” She stopped and turned to look at him before she nodded once slowly. “Sorry, never mind, I-“

“Derek, you can ask me.” She shrugged, twisting her hand back and forth on her IV stand, “I’m sick, it’s not like it’s a secret.”

He nodded, “sometimes when you move, you look stiff. Is that part of it?”

She looked up quickly at him, “you noticed that?” He nodded, and she smiled, “wow, is it that bad?” He shook his head, opening his mouth when she spoke again, “I get a little weak sometimes, which affects my hips the most, I guess.” She shrugged, resuming her hand movement on her IV stand, “it goes away if I move more and stuff, but being weak generally means I don’t want to move.”

He watched the way she looked at the floor, the jerky movements of her hand, and the way she pulled her shoulders forward. “I tore my rotator cuff a couple years ago, sometimes my arm kind of fails when I’m using it. Hit myself in the face with dumbbells once or twice.”

She giggled, finally looking back at him before she motioned with her head for him to follow and led him to the dining room. There was a buffet style table set up, and she smiled shyly at him, shame coloring her features.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked at her IV stand, and then to the plates. “I might need a little help. Can’t pull this and dish up food.” She trailed off, sucking her lower lip into her mouth, and he immediately moved, grabbing two plates and smiling at her.

“So, what do you wanna eat?”

She flushed, and moved around, filling her plate with items she hoped to keep down, and filled his plate with what he wanted. They sat next to one another on a sofa in the sun, and she sighed when she felt the warmth.

“So where did you move from?”

She looked at him, a small smile curling the left side of her lip, “an unremarkable town about 4 hours away. Why don’t you visit your gran on Fridays with the rest of your family?”

“Can’t get away from work. When do your family visit?”

A sad smile broke on her face as she played with the pieces of cheese on her plate. “They, um, they don’t.”

His jaw dropped, and his brow followed the same movement, “what? Why?”

She shrugged, “once my doctor told me the leukemia was too aggressive, that treatment probably wouldn’t work, I decided to not waste money by trying. No one supported that.” She looked up at him, taking in his upset expression, “it’s ok though-“

“No, it’s not.”

She looked at him shrugging, “if it means they get to move on, without actually having to grieve?” she shrugged again, “I’m ok with that.”

He frowned, taking a bite of the scrambled eggs on his plate before he regained composure, and sounded less angry, “so you’re alone?”

She nodded, “I spent some time in a hospital not far from here, St Mary?” He nodded, “yeah, and that’s when the doctors realized I didn’t have a liver, as much as a sack of leukemia. There’s no going back now.”

“How did it get so bad?”

She snorted, “I didn’t know I was sick, I was just tired, and I lost weight. When I got bronchitis, and it went from shitty to fuckoffthisisawfullybad in a matter of days, that’s when I was diagnosed with Leukaemia.”

“When was that? He asked quietly, looking at his plate.

“7 months ago.”

His eyes shot to hers, “7 months? That’s all?”

She nodded, “yeah, sometimes people get really sick without them knowing.”

He watched as she stared at her plate, moving her fork through her now thoroughly mashed scrambled eggs.

“How do you feel about being so sick?”

She looked up at him, “I don’t know. Kinda angry, sometimes? But mostly, I’m just sad about the stuff I won’t get to do.”

“Like?”

“Like,” she stared off for a moment, before her bright brown eyes snapped to his, “I want to skydive. And I want to eat sushi again, but I lost my appetite for that months ago. I want to grow old with someone I love, who loves me. I want to,” she laughed, “I want to drink from a coconut!” She blushed a little, before she steeled herself, her cheeks still red, “I want to have sex again.”

He laughed, fighting the urge to blush too, “ok, so just to clear up a few of those, you want to throw yourself from a plane?” She nodded excitedly, “and you want to eat raw fish?” He pulled a face and she laughed, nodding, “and you want to risk the possibility of dying mid orgasm?” She laughed hard now and had to wipe tears from the corner of her eyes.

“Yeah, you summed that up pretty well.”

“Well, as far as bucket lists go? Yours sucks.”

She faked shock, making him laugh, and she finally smiled, “maybe, but life got predictable before I was diagnosed, things were boring.” She shrugged, a tiny hint of a smile still on her lips.

He watched as she finally started putting food into her mouth, humming appreciatively before she slapped a hand over her mouth and all but threw her plate at Derek. She grabbed her IV and staggered off, leaving Derek frowning on the couch, staring after her as Maria helped her to a bathroom.

 

He debated for what felt like hours outside of the room, the nurses sniggering as they passed him numerous times on their trips around the hospice. He smiled awkwardly each time before he shut his eyes and shook his head, pushing the door open without thinking too much. He walked to his gran, seeing she was asleep again, and placed one bunch of flowers next to her bed. When he turned, he saw Stiles in bed, but she didn’t move. He walked slowly towards her and saw her eyes were squeezed shut.

“Stiles?”

She groaned wordlessly at him, and he moved closer.

“I brought you flowers.” He spoke softly, feeling truly embarrassed now, but she opened her eyes to look at him and the flowers, a small smile cracking on her pale face.

“They are beautiful, thank you,” she said, and he placed them on her bed table, grabbing a chair and sitting close to her.

“How are you?”

She huffed a coarse laugh, “not great today. Have the beginning of a chest infection. Again.”

His brow lowered, “should I wear a face mask?”

“What? You’re scared of catching it?” Her eyes glinted with anger, but he raised his hands.

“No, I meant for you. I wanted to know if I should wear a mask to reduce your chances of getting worse.”

Her expression fell slightly, her lips parting, “oh. I’m sorry.” She whispered, laying her head back on her pillow, staring at the wall.

“Don’t be ridiculous. What are we doing today?” She gave him an expressive side eye and he laughed. “Well I came to visit my gran, who keeps falling asleep, so you have to keep me company.”

She laughed, “is that so?” He nodded, making her laugh again. “Well, if you and your strong arms are up for it, I could get a wheelchair, maybe we could go sit outside in the sun?”

He nodded once, getting to his feet and leaving the room, returning a moment later with a wheelchair, followed by Maria.

“Derek said you want to go outside?” She nodded at the nurse, moving to sit up. “Ok, I’ll grab you a blanket before you go, let’s get you settled.”

Derek stood to the side, desperately wanting to help the nurse pick Stiles up, but unsure as to how Stiles would take that. When she was finally seated, the nurse moved her IV to the wheelchair IV stand, and smiled at Derek, “if you follow me, I’ll get her a blanket and you can go outside.”

He grabbed her chair and pushed her out, watching as she rested her head to the left of her pillow, her eyes shut. Maria placed a blanket over her and directed Derek out to the back garden, and he stopped them in a patchy area, the sun filtering through the leaves of a massive oak. He sat on the grass next to her and said nothing, watching from the corner of his eyes as she turned her face to the sun, smiling ever so gently at the warmth.

“Thanks, Der,” she said quietly, and he grabbed her ankle and squeezed it gently to let her know he heard her.

 

“Ok, get up woman.” She groaned at the all-too-familiar voice and hid her head under her pillow. “Hey, get up. You’d think you were sick, the way you hibernate all day.”

She sniggered at that, throwing her pillow at him. She looked up, smiling at him. It had been only about a month since she first saw him, and she couldn’t believe he was still here, still visiting her. She also couldn’t believe how much she wanted his presence and missed him on the days he worked. Myrtle had admitted to her while she was heavily medicated, ages ago, that she pretended to be asleep when Derek arrived, just so he could spend time with her without feeling guilty. When the medication wore off, Myrtle never mentioned it again, so Stiles never brought it up. “What do you want, dork?”

He laughed, grabbing her hand and gently pulled her up, hugging her quickly before he passed her the IV stand.

“We have a big day planned.”

That perked her up, and she raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly. Do you have any clothes here?”

She shook her head, “I’m in a hospice, Der-Bear. No need to impress people.”

He shook his head, and grabbed his phone, dialing someone. He passed the phone to her after a few quiet words, and Stiles grabbed the phone apprehensively. “Hello?”

“Hi Stiles, my name is Monica, I’m a personal shopper at the-“

She ignored the woman and glowered at Derek, “what are you doing?”

“I’m buying you an outfit, so I can take you out in public. No one likes seeing your ass through that hospital gown.”

She flushed and pulled the phone back to her ear to hear the woman repeating ‘hello’.

“Hi, sorry, got disconnected there. So, what do you need?” She pulled her tongue at Derek as Monica described the clothes she had available, letting her choose what she wanted, before telling Monica what sizes she needs, including a new bra and pantie set, tights and shoes.

Derek and her spoke for about an hour, about everything and nothing, until a quiet knock on the door disturbed them.

“Hi, I’m Monica.”

Derek stood, looking back at Stiles, “I’ll come fetch you in a bit.”

She nodded as he left and focused her eyes on Monica. “This is weird.”

Monica laughed, shaking her head, “not at all, I can promise you that.”

Stiles nodded, not believing it nor changing her mind. Monica passed her several bags, and Stiles unpacked them. She smiled when she saw the red dress, a pretty 50’s replica that she loved the style of. Next, her fingers caressed the soft satin of the emerald green bra, and she smiled, “holy crap this is pretty,” she muttered, picking the bra up and unabashedly held it against her gown-clad boobs, smiling when it looked like it would fit. She pulled it down into her lap, her smile faltering. “I, uh, I haven’t worn a bra in a while. No point, really. Not here.”

Monica nodded, and looked around at the sparse room, “well, I think the color will suit your skin tone perfectly.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, looking up to Monica, who nodded and waved goodbye.

Stiles slowly stood, and pulled the curtain around her bed closed, looking down at her new clothes. She untied her gown and let it fall, snorting when it got stuck on her IV. “Maria?” she called, poking her head through the curtain. She laughed when Maria did a similar thing around the door.

“Yep?”

“Can I quickly take my IV off? I’ll put it back?”

She nodded, and Stiles pulled her head back, closing the drip and twisting it off like she had seen nurses do a million and one times, and let it and the gown fall, while she grabbed for the bra, clasping it on and smiling. She grabbed the panties next, and the pale tights, pulling both on. She ran her hands down her thighs, thinking of how much weight she had lost since she had received her diagnosis, never mind before. She knew she looked unhealthy now, even if you didn’t look at her face. She grabbed the dress and slipped it on, managing to zip the back up without needing help. She couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from her lips, and she twirled once, watching the skirt fly out around her. She sat, her heart beating fast, and her head already fuzzy. She grabbed the IV and connected it again, the smile never leaving her lips.

“Stiles?”

She looked up to where the voice came from, behind the curtain. “yeah?”

“You ok in there?”

She giggled, and stood slowly, moving to open the curtain a little, beaming up at Derek whose eyes raked down her body before resting on her face, “you look beautiful.”

“Why thank you, I was treated by a good friend of mine.”

He laughed, and passed her a shoe, grabbing her arm to steady her as she put it on, followed by the other. “I’m sure he appreciates that you are happy.”

He wrapped her arm around his, and moved to leave the room, “where are we going?”

He shrugged, “I thought you had planned the rest!”

She laughed, her hand landing with a loud smack on his arm, but there was very little force behind it. She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder as she pulled her IV along, and she smiled when she saw a limo parked outside. She stopped, looking up at Derek, “and this?”

“Figured you’d like a night away from everything.”

She nodded, an errant tear welling in her eye. He reached out and wiped it before she could, and she leaned into his hand, “thanks Der.”

“Anytime. Now come, we have shit to do.”

She laughed, her eyes crinkling, letting herself be led to the limo, “like what?”

“Remember when we first met?” She nodded, her brow lowering, “well, you said there were still some things on your bucket list. Now these stupid people,” he gestured to the hospice, “won’t let me take you skydiving,” he was interrupted by her loud laugh, and she doubled over, gripping her knees to keep from falling, “I know right, morons, as if skydiving is dangerous.”

“I’m sure they-“

“That’s beside the point. Tonight, we feast.”

“Oh.” Her laughter stopped, “Der, you know I can barely keep anything down.”

He nodded, looking unfazed, “as if I’d forget. You’ve almost puked on me like 3 times. You _actually_ puked on me once. I have thought everything through, so just let yourself be treated, ok?”

She nodded and noticed a woman leave the hospice and make her way towards them, waving as she got closer.

“Who’s that?”

Derek turned to look at the newcomer, before looking at Stiles. “So, in order for me to take you out the hospice for the day, I was told I’d have to arrange a nurse. Meet Abby.”

Stiles shook her hand, and smiled, “good to meet you.”

“Likewise, Stiles. I have all your information and medication, so you don’t need to worry about a thing.”

“Ok, thanks.” She looked at Derek, who motioned for her to enter the limo. She looked from the door to her IV stand, and shook her head, “I can’t fit in there with this.”

Abby smiled, and pulled down her IV bag, before she hooked it onto the ceiling in the limo, “all set, I’ll be up front if you need me.” She looked at Stiles until she nodded, and Stiles slowly got into the limo, smiling.

Derek followed her, and sat next to her, grabbing her hand, “ready for your bucket list?”

She giggled, and yelled, “yes!”

“Would you like a drink?”

She narrowed her eyes at him and watched as he opened the bar, and pulled out two coconuts. She laughed, and made grabby hands for hers, taking a sip from the straw.

“Tea?”

He nodded, “figured it’s better than alcohol and better than coconut water.”

They both pulled disgusted expressions at the mention of the coconut water, laughing when they saw the other doing the same.

“So, where are we going?”

He sat back, “to a fancy hotel.”

Her eyebrows raised, “really? A hotel?”

“Don’t sound so unimpressed.”

“Not unimpressed, just wondering _why.”_

He shrugged, “room service and a place for you to rest? Seemed like a no-brainer.”

She had to give it to him there, that was a pretty good ‘pro’ list. “So, I get sushi?”

He nodded, “all the sushi you want.”

“But,” she trailed off, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I have already thought of that, so put your damn brain away and just relax.” To prove his point, he closed his eyes and laid his head back on the headrest, and she took another sip of the tea. She looked down at her dress, smiling when she reached out to touch one of the white polka dots.

“What you thinking?” He spoke quietly, as if not to frighten her.

“Just that this is the first time in months that I’ve worn clothes.”

He nodded at her, “I always wondered about that. My gran wears her own stuff, why don’t you?”

She shrugged, “left everything at home. At my dad’s, I mean. Didn’t seem important to take anything with me.” She looked up at him, “I’m dying, it’s not like if I horde stuff I get to keep it.”

“Sure, but you could die in your own clothes.”

She shook her head, “just promise me that I’ll get buried in this, all of this,” she waved at her clothes, and looked up to him seriously.

He stared for a moment, his brow lowered slightly before he finally nodded. “Sure.”

“I mean it Derek, or I’ll haunt you.”

He laughed, and put a hand on her knee, “of course I’ll bury you in your new fancy clothes. If you’re really lucky, I’ll bury you when you are actually dead.”

She laughed, and hit his chest, “think you are so funny.”

He reached for her and pulled her close, her head resting on his chest, her arms winding around him after a second hesitation. “I’ll miss you, you know that right?”

She nodded against his sternum, her throat suddenly aching with unshed tears that she fought with every ounce of the strength she had left. “If I can, you know, when I’m dead, I know I’ll miss you.”

She felt him nod, and they stayed silent, in each other’s arms, until the limo stopped, and the driver opened the door. They untangled slowly, and Derek held her hand as she exited the limo in front of a truly magnificent hotel. They were shown to their room quickly, with the concierge reminding her several times that she should call if she has any issues. She looked up at Derek who resolutely did not look back at her, and she wondered how much he had told them all.

The room was beautiful, with a massive white bed, a balcony that looked like it showed the view of the entire world. She breathed in the warm air, closing her eyes as it whipped around her ankles and played in her hair.

She heard Derek open the door and talk to someone, but didn’t turn, and just felt the wind against her skin. She heard him walking towards her, loud enough to not scare her, and gently grabbed her wrist. She turned, and let him lead her to the bed, where he had 2 carts waiting. She sat as he pulled the lids off, and she smiled when she saw the variety of food. He passed her an empty ice bucket, and she looked inside, before looking up to him in confusion.

“That’s so you don’t have to actually swallow the food.” He shrugged, and she swore he blushed a little. She couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter that she broke into, and he smiled, sitting next to her.

“Is it sad that that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me?” He sighed exasperatedly, waving around at the room and she laughed again, ducking her head. “You know what I mean.”

He chuckled, grabbing her hand, “I do, and I’m glad you like it.”

She looked up at him, feeling her laughter die off. “I have to tell you something.” He waited, his expression neutral, for several moments while she felt like a fish, repeatedly opening and closing her mouth before the words would come out. “I like you. And I know that’s not fair, and I know that it’s wrong. Hell, maybe you don’t, and that’s ok,” she quickly added, desperate to not have him leave, “but I felt like you had to know because Derek,” she was fighting tears again, “I haven’t had anyone to care for me, the way you do, and I didn’t know I needed that until I got you.” Her tears cascaded down her face, and she pulled her hand from his, terrified of how he would react now. She wasn’t expecting the sudden lips against her temple, or the arms wrapping around her waist. She flung her own arms out, regretting the decision when her IV pulled uncomfortably, but she didn’t move, her arms around his neck, her face buried in the crook of his neck as she cried.

He rubbed soothing circles on her back until she took a shaky breath and pulled away, patting her tear streaked face. He lifted his hand to rest against her cheek, and she looked at him. “You mean so much to me Stiles, and it scares me.” She couldn’t rip her eyes from his, her jaw slack. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I’m glad it did.”

She nodded, slowly, looking from his eyes to his lips and back. He made the first move, pressing his lips against hers once, gently, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry I can’t make you grow old with someone you love.” She could hear how emotional he was and knew he was fighting tears.

She lifted a hand to his cheek, her own tears falling again, “if you are by my side, I know I’ll have someone with me who I love.”

He pulled away, tears filling the bottoms of his eyes, and he nodded, “who also loves you,” he whispered into the air, and she shut her eyes against the onslaught of emotion from those words.

A knock on the door had her drying her eyes hurriedly, and she saw Derek do the same, before calling to whoever was outside to come in. Abby opened the door and held up a new IV bag. “I wanted to know if you wanted a morning drip?”

Stiles blushed a little and nodded. Abby smiled and moved in, disconnecting the current bag and swapping it out for the new bag. “I’m next door if you need me, ok? Just dial for room 175.” Stiles nodded, not trusting her voice and Abby left them.

“So, what is the deal with morning drips?”

She laughed, the sudden happiness filling her body, “um, it’s like a spiked bag? It has more vitamins and stuff, and I feel like it gives me more energy.”

He nodded, “I’ve never heard of that.”

She shook her head, “I have amazing nurses who tried a couple things for me.”

He watched her lips, moving in for a second kiss when she stopped talking. “Fuck I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long,” he murmured against her lips.

“What took you so long?”

“Didn’t wanna catch anything.”

She laughed and smacked his arm weakly, and he grabbed her, pulling her close, his lips in her hair again. “You know,” she started, before thinking the better of it and shutting her mouth with a snap.

“What?”

She shook her head, so he waited, knowing she would eventually give up and tell him.

“Remember I told you that no one supported me?” He nodded, and she took a breath, “well, it's my dad. My mom died when I was young. But my dad was the one who wanted me to get help, to at least try. But I also had a boyfriend.” Derek pulled away slightly so they could look at each other. “I never told him I was leaving. I got the diagnosis, and I left.” She shrugged, “things had been hard between us, he was a good man, but we weren’t meant for each other.”

Derek stayed silent for a while, before he spoke up, “why did you leave him?”

“Didn’t think he'd be able to handle this. I prefer to think he believes I moved on. I want him to think that. I want him to be angry, so he doesn’t try find me. I want him to be happy.” She spoke quietly, a new wave of tears in her eyes.

He held her closer, pressing kisses to her hair and lips at every chance he got until they were wrapped up in each other on the bed, a mess of hot breath and wild eyes.

 

She didn’t die mid-orgasm, or mid sneeze as she had feared. She went quietly, with one last kiss pressed to her forehead as she gasped for breath, her lungs too infected, too far gone. She closed her eyes, tears falling down to her pillow as she imagined he knew what she would say if she could talk.

‘Thank you.’  
‘I’m alright, as long as you are here.’  
‘I love you.’


End file.
